Let Pain Be Your Teacher

With all the news on television, it appears as if there are those who are truly hurting in life. It is for this reason that this article is a must. Many times we want to either numb the pain or get rid of it because it can feel like too much. We are also wired to want to avoid pain and seek pleasure. Although it’s natural to want to avoid pain, pain is also natural and for a good reason. The good reason is that it is feedback.

“What kind of feedback?”, you may wonder. The kind of feedback will depend on where you are in life as well as the kind of pain that you are feeling. There are different degrees of pain and different kinds of pain and in order for you to know which one it is, it is important to go within yourself to find out.

There are emotional and mental pain and then there is physical pain. All these kinds of pain can be associated with the main pain that may have been ignored which is the spiritual pain. With emotional pain, I am referring to any sadness, anxiety, depression, anger, worry, desperation, among other things along these lines that one may feel. I consider them pain because when they are not addressed, they can paralyze and hinder you from living your everyday life.

With mental pain, I’m referring to two things: The first one is the physical symptoms that are associated with the emotional pain that one may feel. The physical symptoms may be consistent headaches, dizziness, or lightheadedness. The second include thoughts and perception. I include thoughts because our thoughts turn into emotions and actions and when the thoughts are not healthy ones, they can create havoc in our life. Our perception shapes the way we view and feel about the things around us and what happens to us and when the perception is not a healthy one, this can be disastrous to one’s well-being.

With physical pain, the list is very long to cover but some of them may include leg problems, high blood pressure due to stress, etc. One thing I must say is that if you feel any physical pain and it is consistent, please seek medical attention. If after seeking medical attention you don’t have any medical condition, then most likely what you’re feeling is psychosomatic symptoms.

Once the pain is there, what can one do about it? It’s easy to want to numb it by either going shopping, eating, drinking, partying, using drugs, among other things that one does to numb the pain. In today’s article, I would like to invite you to allow pain to be your teacher.

How do you allow pain to be your teacher?

 

1. Admit to yourself that you feel pain. The first step to anything is to first recognize that something is going on. Notice how I didn’t write that something is wrong. I don’t write this because pain is there to advice you of something so this pain can’t be wrong. It’s just there to give you feedback and feedback is necessary so that changes can be made in order for things to be better. You can’t have a solution or answer without first recognizing and admitting that something is going on.
2. Accept and embrace the pain. Accept and make friends with your pain. By doing this, you let go of the resistance. Holding on to resistance just make things worse and the pain persists.

How do you become friends with your pain?

Take that moment that you’re feeling that pain to be with yourself. If possible, take 10 minutes to yourself where you will not be disturbed. Take a deep breath in….and then breathe out. Do this a couple more times until you are relaxed. Place your hand on your chest or wherever you feel pain. Close your eyes if you have to but as you have your hand on your chest or wherever the pain is, ask yourself: “what do you want me to know?”; “why do you feel this way?”; “what is it that I am doing or not doing that you want me to be aware of?” Then wait to see if you get an answer. You may not get an answer right away but what you are doing by placing your hand on your chest, or wherever the pain is, and asking yourself these questions is that you are reconnecting with yourself. You are digging within for the answers that you need. You are digging within for your own wisdom.

For instance, if it’s anxiety you are feeling, ask yourself why you are feeling this way. Remind yourself that you are safe and loved. Ask it what it needs you to know and what should you be doing next. What this exercise that I am suggesting does is that it helps you reconnect with yourself because it is that connection with yourself that will lead you to greater well-being.

Last year, I had pain in my knees for some odd reason. Turned out I had patella maltracking but I also questioned myself “how I got to that point?”. As I started digging deeper, I realized I had a lot of stress in my life and I was also struggling with some confidence issues in terms of how I was going to move forward.

With this exercise and article, I want to empower you to know that your body was meant to be healed. Your body is the vessel that your soul chose to reside in. Your pain is a reflection of something that is going on within you that calls your attention. So, I would like to encourage you to think about this pain for a minute. What kind of pain is it? Is it a pain of neglect, fear, lack, or worry? Allow the pain to speak to you and advice you as to what you need to be doing. The one thing to understand is that the soul is not separate from the body and anything that the soul is feeling, your body will feel by default.

The pain that you’re feeling will guide you to what area either within yourself or in your life you need to address. Allow that guidance to flow into your life. You have the best guidance system within you. Every time you feel any pain whether that is anxiety, sadness, depression, etc. all that pain is feedback from your soul and you must listen to that.

To end this article, I would like to encourage you to start viewing your pain from a perspective of your soul speaking to you through your vessel which is your body. Allow the pain to be your friend. It’s there to guide you, not hurt you. Place your hand on the area where the pain is and ask it questions. The point is to reconnect with yourself because it is there where your answers reside. You will notice as you do this that the pain tends to lessen and you are subconsciously empowering yourself. This empowerment, without you realizing it at first, will add greatly to your well-being.

Your pain can be a precious jewel if you allow it. Let pain be your teacher and show you what you need to be doing or going in life.

---

Aura Elena Martinez is a Wellness and Life Coach, Blogger and Writer, owner and founder of Live to the Max™

Aura Elena Martinez is a Wellness and Life Coach, Blogger and Writer, owner and founder of Live to the Max™/Viva al máximo™, who encourages others to live their fullest in every way, the way they are meant to be.

To be inspired or to contact Aura, visit http://www.auraemartinez.com/ or you can follow her on Twitter https://twitter.com/AuraEMartinez, you can also follow her online radio show at https://blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez  or you can follow on Instagram @AuraEMartinez.

When is it Okay to Give Up on a Dream?

Life has a way of buffeting you about, like you’re on a stormy sea.  And that stormy sea can often disorient you, and knock you way off course, and daze you so much that you don’t even consider getting back on course until the storm eases.

You may have decided in your youth that you were going to be a famous, award-winning actor.  So, to make this dream come true, you attend acting classes, study drama, join a local theatre group, and embrace every opportunity to act that comes your way.  You may head to Los Angeles to break into the film industry like all those Hollywood icons you look up to.

And after several years of going on audition after audition, and not even getting a hint of a part in even the most random, low-budget film, you wonder if perhaps this acting thing might not work out.  You question your ability.  You compare yourself to all the icons whose ranks you desperately desire to join.  And you find that you come up short in almost every way.  You’re no Al Pacino or Meryl Streep.  And in fact, you’ve been told several times on auditions that acting isn’t for you, and that you should probably try something else.  You work in a café, barely make enough money to pay your rent, and all your efforts to become a successful actor have amounted to exactly nothing.

What should you do? Should you give up on this dream and dream another one?

This is the crucial point.  And it is a point which separates those who succeed from those who fail, those who achieve their dreams, and those who don’t.

Rocky Road

I always tell my clients about Sylvester Stallone.  This man knew what he wanted, and he pretty much lost everything in order to get it.  He wanted to be a successful actor just like in our example, but things just weren’t working out for him.  He faced rejection after rejection, was told over and over that he just wasn’t right for the movies, and that he should pick another career!  But he wouldn’t give up.  He was rejected over a thousand times in his quest to succeed, and still he kept going, meeting with virtually no success.

But here’s the kicker in his story.  He did, in fact, shift directions.  He didn’t do it purposely or with any great game plan in mind.  In fact, he was at what he describes as his lowest point, having had to sell his dog, his best friend, as he could no longer afford to feed him.

It was at this point when he saw a fight between Muhammad Ali, and the unknown Chuck Wepner.  Wepner actually went the distance with Ali, which was something no one expected.  Seeing this inspired Stallone, who began to write furiously.

Not too long after that, the film script for Rocky was finished.  This, Stallone reasoned, had to be his ticket to success as an actor.  He would play Rocky!  But of course, no one wanted to know.  Everyone he tried to sell the script to thought it was a silly idea, overly sentimental, and that no one would want to watch it.

Undaunted, Stallone continued.  He simply refused to give up.  He finally came across someone who wanted to make the film, but they did not want him to play the part of Rocky as he was not an accomplished actor.  They offered him a large amount of money, which he turned down, despite the fact that he had no money.  Finally, they agreed to his terms, offered him far less money, and made the picture.  The rest is history.

Two crucial things happened in Stallone’s success story, and they are why you know who he is today.  Firstly, he was absolutely unwilling to give up.  Had he given up after 20 or 30 or 300 rejections and listened to the naysayers, he would never have become the star he is today.  Secondly, he changed direction.  Remember, his dream was to become an actor.  But he turned to writing in order to accomplish it.  He was open to the idea, albeit perhaps subconsciously, that his dream could come true via a different route.  Had he not written that script and been so determined to play the part of Rocky, again, he may never have made it as an actor.

Is it Okay to Give Up on My Dream?

The 1 Piece of Advice You Need to Succeed in 2018 and Beyond

It’s a new year, a new beginning and you are raring to go. Will you still be as enthusiastic in a few months? Do you know what it takes to get to the finish line? Image by stockimages

It is 2018 Now What?

You have been warming up and getting ready to get on the stage to perform. In your mind you have imagined over and over about how you are going to perform on stage. How you will entertain the audience and how you will make them laugh and intrigue them.

Imagine that all the preparation is over and now you are on stage. Now is the time that you need to perform. Now is the time that you need to stick to your guns and remove any self-doubt. Whatever you planned to do on stage do it without hesitation and don’t back down.

I am sure many of us have already read a few articles recently on how to make resolutions for the new year and how to keep them. We read these articles almost every year around December all the way through February.

This is not one of those articles! I am here to give you a step-by-step guide that will make everything you touch turn into gold. I am here to tell you about the one thing that will make you a winner regardless of your situation.

A Fit and Healthy 2018 Starts With Your Mind

 

Bridge the gap between your fitness goals in 2018 and where you are today. Image by stockimages

Well, here we are again – New Year’s resolutions time! It’s that time when we resolve to do all the things we know we should do in order to live the better life we imagine for ourselves. And for most of us, those resolutions last all of ten minutes! Then we’re back doing the same old things that have brought us to a life that we’re less than happy with. And as the old saying goes: If you want things in your life to change, you have to change things in your life.

This is true for all areas of our life, but specifically we’re going to look at health and fitness in this piece. Most of us aren’t exactly where we want to be in terms of our health and fitness level. We want to be healthier, more trim and toned than we are at the moment.

We start off with the best of intentions. We decide that once and for all: We’ll eat more healthily, we’ll go to the gym and do all the things we know we need to do in order to get fit and healthy this year. So we do that stuff for a while, and then we stop.

What usually happens is that we reach a point where the temptation to eat or drink what we know we shouldn’t becomes too strong. We succumb to the bad weather blues when it comes to going out for a run, or we stay in bed for that extra hour instead of getting up and going to the gym for the workout that we committed to a few weeks ago. Then we gradually slip back into our old patterns of too little exercise and too much of the wrong kinds of food.

So how can we avoid slipping back like this and keep our new healthy eating and fitness regime going?

3 Steps to Successful Stress Management

 

You can cope with stress if you have the right tools. Image by africa

Previously I talked about “The Crippling Effect of Stress on Your Organs”. We discussed the negative physical effects caused by stress ranging from heart problems to multiple sclerosis (MS).

Managing stress is all about taking charge of your life and your attitude towards dealing with problems.

Today we are going to look at the 3 steps that will help you manage and even overcome stress so that you don’t have to worry about the damage that stress can do to your body.

Step 1: Identify Source of Stress

The first step is successfully identifying the source of your stress.
photo by stock images

Let’s face it; identifying the source of stress in our lives is easier said than done. We can easily overlook our own negative behaviour such as stress-inducing thoughts and negative attitudes.

Setting Your Intentions for 2017- Reflection Questions to Support You

Hi Gorgeous Soul,

I am a huge goal setter and I love that feeling of going on the journey, experiencing the challenges and that amazing feeling of ACCOMPLISHMENT once I’ve achieved the goal. I also emphasize the importance of celebrating the mini triumphs in your journey, because it’s all about embracing the journey and learning about yourself.  It’s incredible to see what you’re made of when you achieve something that you see as totally outside of your comfort zone and/or a goal that you weren’t sure you were going to be able to achieve.

It really helps build that confidence muscle.

So I personally sat down and journalled about the following reflection questions, and I encourage you to do the same to help you celebrate your own successes of 2016, what you’d like to let go of, and where you’d like focus on for 2017.  (Source: Michael E. Angier)

1. What did I learn? (skills, knowledge, awareness, etc.)
2. What did I accomplish? A list of my wins and achievements.
3. What would I have done differently? Why?
4. What did I complete or release? What still feels incomplete to me?
5. What were the most significant events of the year past? List the top three.
6. What did I do right? What do I feel especially good about? What was my greatest contribution?
7. What were the fun things I did? What were the not-so-fun?
8. What were my biggest challenges/roadblocks/difficulties?
9. How am I different this year than last?
10. For what am I particularly grateful for?
11. List all the things in your life of which you’d like to let go—anything that no longer serves you. Give thanks for what they’ve brought you in terms of learning and usefulness and then burn the list. It’s a symbolic gesture to help you release the old and be open to the new.
12. List what you do want—experiences, knowledge, material things, relationships, healings, etc. 

My word for 2016 was ABUNDANCE. I wanted to manifest Abundance in all forms: love, friendships, connections, speaking, writing gigs, events, clients, contributing to society by giving back, and opportunities to help me grow personally and professionally.

I just wanted to share and celebrate with you my top personal and professional accomplishments for 2016, as it’s been the best year of my life so far!!!

Creating multiple online Body Love programs:

• Webinars
• Holistic Body Love Food, Body Image and Self Love Transformation Online Program
• Mapping Your Strong Self Program
• Holistic Body Love Detox & Mindset Program

Two magazine covers and written articles on Self-Love and Goal Setting

1. December issue of International Women’s Fitness Magazine Gorgo
2. Local magazine featuring my boys and I

• First international Talk at Gorgo Fitness Bootcamp in KY
• Increased professional wellness speaking events
• Completed my 11th facilitation of “Transform & Deepen Your Relationship with Food & Body” Women’s Group
• Started Holistic Body Love Philanthropy Program to give back and help young girls and boys develop self-esteem, confidence & self-love!
• Completed 3 levels of Personal Development- learned how to increase my vibration and spiritual connection to my Highest Self (continuing this for 2017!)
• Learned how to manifest my dreams (and continuing to do so for 2017).
• Become more present in my life, especially as a parent (toughest job ever!)
• Started a new company, Holistic Body Love Coaching Inc. on top of maintaining my successful psychological private practice!

Here’s the thing: all this was only possible because I took the courage to work through some major mindset roadblocks, my own fears and allow myself to make mistakes. This required me to hire coaches, become vulnerable, look deep within myself and ask for and receive support. I truly discovered what I am made of (I have done some things that I never imagined doing!), and I am tremendously grateful for all the support I have in my life to help me achieve what I have achieved in 2016. 

I encourage you to go through these reflection questions. Having a coach and support is important and crucial part of the growth process.

I’m here to support you when you’re ready.  Book in your complimentary coaching strategy session to see how I can best support you here

Wishing you all the best for 2017.

Xo,

Rosalyn Fung, M.Sc.

Body Love Coach & Registered Psychologist

http://www.holisticbodylove.ca

 

7 Ways Workforce Analytics Will Increase Productivity and Sales

A topic that is a bit different than usual. Nevertheless it is about being efficient in life and work so it seems appropriate for The Zeit.

Data can be used for lots of different things: to streamline production, spotlight customer service issues, even illuminate budget strategies. But one thing that’s getting more use by managers with their data is analyzing how their workforce is used—and how it can be optimized.

Yes, data can point out ways to automate your work processes—but that’s not the only goal. It can coalesce information on habits or time management, for example. It can also help you create schedules that better adapt to not only your customers’ needs, but your employees’ strengths, too.

Ready to tackle this important topic? This graphic gets you started:

Click To Enlarge

How to Set Goals, Stick to them and Achieve Them!

Do you set goals with excitement and gung-ho attitude that you are going to “crush” your goals, have fantastic energy and momentum at the start, make some great progress, but maybe a few weeks later, you find yourself slowing down, or perhaps even feeling unmotivated?

Why does this happen and more importantly, how can you make sure to see your goals through?

To understand how our brain works, picture an iceberg which will be representative of our brain. The tip of the iceberg that is visible symbolizes our conscious brain, which is only about 10% of our brain. This part of our brain stores both conscious and unconscious core beliefs. Core beliefs are the files we have that open up and have us react to situations in a certain way because of what we believe, which are formed unconsciously in childhood. These beliefs can serve us or not serve us today. The rest of the iceberg, which is 90%, is our unconscious brain, stores unconscious beliefs.

We consciously set goals, or another word for this is setting INTENTIONS. So for example, when it comes to weight loss, you may set an intention to lose 20 pounds to improve your health. Let’s say you manage to stay on track to lose 10 pounds over the next eight weeks. Then the next couple weeks, you find yourself starting to eat more foods that do not serve your goals, you are exercising less often and you find yourself giving into your excuses. You even gain back four pounds.

What’s happening? Why are you getting off track from your intention?

Because somewhere in your unconscious part of your brain, you have limiting unconscious beliefs that are sabotaging your efforts. It may sound like, “I am not worthy of my desires”, “It is not safe to be in this body” (usually comes up in cases where a person has been abused as a child), “I do not deserve success”. Again these messages were created unconsciously as a young child (usually) based on our family system, and experiences with peers, teachers, and other influential people in our lives.

So even though you consciously are telling yourself, “Yes I REALLY do want to lose 20 pounds”, there is somewhere inside, unconsciously that does not agree with this. It’s based on fear.

So then, how can you make sure to see your goals through? Here is a blue print for you:

• Write down your intentions/goals specifically. Track your progress. Remember, results are a reflection of what is happening in the unconscious brain. When you achieve results, your conscious and unconscious beliefs are in alignment. When you only make it up to a certain progress, then your conscious and unconscious minds are not matching.

• If you notice you are plateauing, sabotaging, or regressing in your goals, take some time to write down honestly what is going on.

So in the example above, it’s acknowledging what is going on regarding behaviors. Writing down statements such as: “I am choosing to eat when I am bored, stressed or to reward myself.” “I am choosing to get distracted by unimportant things rather than work out.” Note the language that you are choosing to do these behaviors.

• This next step can be a difficult one because you are addressing uncomfortable thoughts and feelings as you dig deeper into your unconscious:

Perhaps you do not feel safe in your body because of past experiences such as being bullied and teased for your body size; your body betrayed you someway with an illness, or you were sexually abused so you cannot trust that your body keeps you safe, because it did not.

Many times, what I see is that as my clients are losing weight, they are getting more attention. This makes them uncomfortable in their body, because of their past experiences. This is a good step to connect with a trained professional such as a coach or therapist to support you in this step to work through these unconscious core beliefs. We are wounded in relationships, so it only makes sense to be healed in relationships (starting with that of a trained professional).

• Address how you will work through these limiting beliefs. A good start is to create a statement called an affirmation, that is the opposite of your limiting belief. So following the above example:

“ I am safe in this body now”. Repeat this statement consciously multiple times a day, especially when you are feeling triggered in feeling uncomfortable. In many ways, you are re-parenting your inner child.

You can also create concrete examples of how to cope with stress, boredom and rewards without turning to food. This is all about changing your self-talk and behaviors to support your new positive self-talk.

• Get support. Once again, a mindset coach and/or a like-minded group can be extremely helpful to keep your accountability. Research shows that in the absence of the right support, unfortunately, environment always wins. So it’s important to surround yourself with like-minded, positive people who can cheer-lead and believe in you.

I hope this article helps you create breakthroughs to crush those goals this year! I’d love to support you if that resonates with you!

Rosalyn Fung, M.Sc., is Founder of Holistic Body Love Coaching Inc.,

a Self-Love Transformational Coach & Registered Psychologist.

She loves inspiring others to be empowered in their relationship with food, body, money, health, confidence, and living a joyful and abundant life.

To schedule your COMPLIMENTARY strategy session to see how she can support you in achieving your goals, book here.

5 Common Issues Children of Alcoholics Face as Adults

It is a club most never ask to join, but there is a solidarity among members that is hard to find anywhere else. Given a choice, most who belong wouldn’t have chosen the path that brought them there. Not only do they still carry the emotional, and sometimes physical, scars of that journey but some have been cursed to repeat the journey in their own lives.

Adult children of alcoholics (ACOA) spend most of their childhoods struggling to make sense of the insanity that is alcoholism, only to find out as adults that they still don’t have all the answers. Even more frustrating is the awareness that for all the promises that they were *never* going to be like *them* when they grew up, they often find themselves back in the vicious cycle of addiction.

One in four children under the age of 18 are exposed to alcoholism in their family, and those children are four times more likely to face their own addictions as adults. They are also more likely to marry someone dealing with alcoholism, either their own or with a similar family history. For some it can be a double-edged sword because they will either become the alcoholic, or marry one. Even if they escape the addictive personality, they are sometimes drawn to partners who will treat the as badly as they saw their parents treating each other.

Copycat Behaviors

Parents model many of the behaviors that children learn from, and that includes how to treat other people. If, for example, a son grows up seeing his alcoholic father or mother berate and belittle the other parent, he learns from their example how to 1) berate and belittle others; 2) what constitutes “acceptable” behavior in a relationship, especially if the other parent never stands up for themselves. It can create conflicting emotions as an adult because they will either look for someone they can bully, or try to find someone who will bully them.

Controlling Walls

As children, they saw or experienced painful behaviors from the alcoholic and so as adults, the walls they build are comprised of rigid routines, inflexible predictability, “no one will ever treat me like that,” and “I will never do that.” It is their way of controlling what they couldn’t control as children, and it helps to make them feel safe again.

When someone breaks one of their boundary rules, changes plans, or they feel  out of control in other ways, there can be a sudden reaction of anger and anxiety. Relationships can be swiftly and uncompromisingly ended. It is often “all or nothing” or “my way or the highway.”

Role Reversals

In some single parent homes where the parent is the alcoholic, children may roles reverse and it is the child that takes care of the parent. Often if there are multiple children in the home, the oldest child becomes the parent for all of them, because there were no other options. As an adult, an ACOA may become overly responsible, taking responsibility for things that are out of their control such as problems they didn’t cause or other people’s feelings.

Isolation as a Wall

With a childhood that was often filled with neglect, abuse, rejection, or feeling unloved, unwanted, and alone, ACOAs can have a hard time trusting others, making it hard to develop lasting relationships because they can’t bring themselves to open up to others in an effort to protect themselves from getting hurt again. They may not even know how to trust themselves, or honestly know who they are. They may have hidden their own emotions for so long, going along with what others wanted just to keep people from knowing them.

Approval Seekers

ACOAs want to be liked, loved, accepted and approved after childhoods filled with everything but those needs. They want to avoid conflict, and so they do whatever is necessary to make everyone happen, even at the sacrifice of their own desires. Hand in hand with people pleasing, ACOAs can also be perfectionists. In another effort to avoid conflict and criticism as a child, they sometimes had unattainable goals of perfection which may carry into adulthood.

A Brighter Future

While these are just a few of the traits that Adult Children of Alcoholics may have learned as coping mechanisms, there is hope for change. Counseling, or (free) groups like Al-Anon and ACOA, can provide help, direction, support, materials, and just the knowledge that you are not alone in your struggles. Sometimes the road to recovery begins with a  welcoming hug.

---

Jennifer Landis is a tea-drinking, yoga loving, clean eating blogger, writer, wife, and mother. You can find more from Jennifer at her blog, Mindfulness Mama.

When was the Last Time You Connected with Someone?

I just recently took a 5-day personal development course put on by Creators Code, called “The Launch” on June 1st. It transformed me to another chapter in my journey called ‘life’. This was no ordinary personal development course. It is an experiential course that was 10-12 hours each day and we dived in deep! This course really inspired me to write this post.

 

I am Like You So Listen

I am here today blogging not as a psychologist but rather as just me- Rosalyn. I am not wearing my therapist hat, the wife, mom, sister, or daughter hat, I am here just like you, a regular human being. I see myself first as a human and my other roles as secondary. And what I learned from this personal development course is that sometimes who I am as a therapist hijacks my ability to be human. Although I show up authentically real with my clients: supporting, loving, direct (I call bullshit when I see it), I also have parts of me that I don’t show, because it isn’t appropriate or professional.  No one wants to see their therapist have a meltdown, right?

So my point is that sometimes I fear that people will be shocked when I express the range of human experiences in my personal life because “I’m a therapist and I should know better”. But guess what?  I sometimes get angry and scream at my kids. Sometimes I play small because I don’t want to seem like I am bragging or being too much. Other times I have moments of self-consciousness about my body, sometimes I am guarded, sometimes I zone out on Facebook because I don’t want to deal with life. These all sound like familiar behaviors to some of you, right? Yeah, we all have tactics for showing up in the world as a way to emotionally protect ourselves.

Who You and I Really Are

My work is to help people come back into their wholeness and essence of who they were when they were born – which is pure love, light, and joy. I sometimes forget to do this for myself because I am so passionate about helping others. I forget about me, but during this course, I was able to reconnect with that little girl in me that remembers playfulness, silliness, coloring outside the lines, and being unapologetically me.

Can you imagine a world where we could all get back to being in our true essence? When we didn’t have to please anyone, play small so we don’t have to hurt others’ feelings, or toughen up because we don’t feel safe, disconnect from our heart because someone hurt it too many times. Imagine if we could speak the truth to one another without worrying about offending anyone. What about receiving feedback from others without feeling judged or offended?

I have this dream and I truly believe I’m on the path to contributing to it both professionally and personally. My dream and passion are to become a conscious loving human being and help others do the same. This entails being so aware not only of ourselves but also of those around us. Being conscious and collective where we love our neighbors and strangers. Showing up with kindness and compassion to ourselves and one another. Can you imagine the ripple effects this would create out in the world if people started to raise their level of self-love and loving presence to one another? There would eventually be less war, less violence, less bullying, less judgment, less shame, less abuse, less racism, less oppression, and less hate. Instead, there would be more peace, love, environmental awareness, and happiness, within ourselves and with those around us. There would be a sense of community.

So my whole point of this is to share with you how precious you are and to reflect on who you are when you aren’t wearing your different masks. This dream starts by learning to love yourself.

We were all once a young child, precious, perfect, and sweet. Who wouldn’t want to go back to before all the rules and experiences came along; before people started  telling us how to behave or not to behave. When you get blamed, usually someone else allows themselves to judge what you did as bad and put that on you. Then we form a story that we are bad because we are told so. So go back to remembering who you are before all that happened. Most of us won’t be able to, but most of us can probably think of a little newborn baby and immediately we melt, we ooooh and ahhhhh, and we think this baby is perfect. Well, that baby still is the essence of you.

An Experiment for You to Try

I have an experiment for you to try to create a powerful and heartwarming experience:

The next time you are with a loved one, it could be your partner, a dear friend, sibling, your child (best if the child is 6 or older), or parent. Tell them that you’d like to try connecting with them in a way that you may not have done in a long time, and it involves touch and silence and a lot of heart.

I invite you to face that person, and hold each other’s hands; just look at each other in the eyes, keep eye contact, and just see if you can really see them. I realize it may feel awkward at first., so let the awkward feelings come up. Breathe; let the awkwardness pass and breathe some more. See if you can even match the rhythm of your breath together as you continue to look into each other’s eyes. Keep breathing so that your breath connects with your heart and then your belly as you continue to hold your gaze with each other.

Many people believe that our eyes are the windows to our soul.

So notice that this person that’s in front of you once was a child, precious, perfect, and sweet. Also, notice that this part of them still lives in them. Then notice your own experience in your body as you become aware of the other person’s preciousness as well as your own. In that very moment, appreciate this about the other person and in yourself. In that moment you do not have to please, play small, wall up, avoid, zone out, get defensive, or whatever you do to protect yourself from the world. You are just you being here having this experience; you are connected in your essence.