The Importance of Stillness

Many of us, mistakenly, think that we are much more productive if we are constantly doing something. That doing something and getting things done means that we have accomplished something and that this is the key to true success. Although there is some truth to this, constantly doing something is NOT the key to our success nor productivity.

 

Believe it or not, the real key to success and productivity is being able to balance doing with stillness.

 

And why is stillness so important?

1. Stillness is a time to relax your mind and body. By constantly doing non-stop, you are stressing your mind and body, unnecessarily. That, in the long run, will wear you out. This kind of exhaustion will lead you to frustration, anger or resentment.

Instead, when you give your mind and body a moment to relax, it is in this moment that both are recharging its batteries so that you can be more productive.

 

As your mind and body are recharging….

2. Stillness allows you to get into a state of meditation. When you can quiet your mind of all the worries and concerns of the world, it is then that you can put yourself in a state of meditation.

It is in a state of meditation that you can sometimes get the answers to the questions you have been asking. It is in a state of meditation that you get your great ideas. It is in a state of meditation that you can heighten your senses, allowing you to enjoy the present moment.

 

Because of all this….

3. Stillness allows you to transition to your higher self. When we allow ourselves to get caught up in the everyday petty things, this is when we disengage from our higher self.

When we disengage from our higher self, this is when we react rather than respond to situations. This is when we forget who we are, forget our potential, forget our dreams and drown ourselves in a sea of worries, anxiety, problems and frustration- none of which we were designed to experience on a consistent basis.

 

It is very important to always return to our higher self. Our higher self is love, happiness and powerful.

 

Because stillness allows us to return to our higher self, we have the following effect…

4. Stillness returns us to a place of joy. Whether we realize it or not, joy exists in the present moment. I have learned, from personal experience, that when we wait for a future event in order to be happy, we feel misery in the present moment, thus robbing our joy. When we keep thinking about a past event in order to feel happy, it reminds us of what we don’t have anymore, thus robbing our joy.

 

This is why joy can only truly be experienced in the present moment. Stillness returns us to joy by quieting our mind, which takes us to a meditative state, which allows us to transition to our higher self, which expands our awareness to the now. Because now is all we have.

 

Because of all that stillness can do for us, it’s important to schedule time for stillness every day. This is NOT a luxury; it is a necessity for your mental, emotional, spiritual and physical well-being.

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Aura Elena Martinez is a Wellness and Life Coach, Blogger and Writer, owner and founder of Live to the Max™/Viva al máximo™, who encourages others to live their fullest in every way, the way they are meant to be.

To be inspired or to contact Aura, visit http://www.auraemartinez.com/ or you can follow her on Twitter https://twitter.com/AuraEMartinez, you can also follow her online radio show at https://blogtalkradio.com/AuraEMartinez  or you can follow on Instagram @AuraEMartinez.

10 Signs Someone You Love Will Commit Suicide Soon!

There are 10 things you should watch for in a depressed person which could mean they are ready to commit suicide really soon:

3 Steps to Successful Stress Management

 

You can cope with stress if you have the right tools. Image by africa

Previously I talked about “The Crippling Effect of Stress on Your Organs”. We discussed the negative physical effects caused by stress ranging from heart problems to multiple sclerosis (MS).

Managing stress is all about taking charge of your life and your attitude towards dealing with problems.

Today we are going to look at the 3 steps that will help you manage and even overcome stress so that you don’t have to worry about the damage that stress can do to your body.

Step 1: Identify Source of Stress

The first step is successfully identifying the source of your stress.
photo by stock images

Let’s face it; identifying the source of stress in our lives is easier said than done. We can easily overlook our own negative behaviour such as stress-inducing thoughts and negative attitudes.

Make Fear Your Friend to Achieve Your Goals

Fear – we all hate that feeling of being uncomfortable and scared. Fear also shows up in anxiety, overwhelm , feeling stuck, and self-doubt. Fear has many masks.

However it shows up for you, fear stops you from taking action to go to the next level in your life. As a result, you can’t live in your highest version of yourself and be happier.

Let me use this analogy to help you understand conceptually how you may be allowing fear to keep you playing small.

If you look at a spaceship, it needs to have to enough momentum to escape the gravitational force field in order to enter space. Once the rocket enters space, then it’s smooth gliding from there and the view is phenomenal, isn’t it?

Now imagine that YOU are the spaceship and the gravitational force field is your comfort zone, and outside of your comfort zone is fear. You need to have enough momentum and energy to take yourself past this force field in order to really get to where you need to get to when it comes to achieving your goals – whether that’s making new friends, trying a new hobby, changing your relationship with food, achieving your dream body, starting a new business or letting go of a toxic relationship.

Once you achieve your goal, you experience a state of feeling exhilarated, powerful, and proud of yourself, amongst other amazing feelings. It’s truly incredible how the Universe really does provide you the supports you need to help you get to where you want to go, when you are truly opened to it.

Whatever your “goal” is, let yourself make friends with fear, because without it, your goals are not challenging you enough to get you into your Highest Self. So making friends with fear is about leaning into the resistance, rather than avoiding or fighting it.

Here’s an example. My client Kate (note: name is changed to maintain confidentiality) came to see me because she wants to lose weight and feels frustrated with not achieving this goal. She has been following a very structured eating plan. However, her approach to her relationship with food has her constantly obsessed with it- from the amount of time she has to take planning and prepping so that she eats the perfect amount of protein, carbs, fats down to the measurement, to thinking about the next meal she eats, to figuring out how to sneak in that cupcake and then work out extra hard so she can eat it, to overindulging at parties at the bread and dessert table, to obsessing over the number on the scale and getting frustrated that the results are not happening fast enough…she cannot stop obsessing about food, and it completely controls her life. She’s constantly thinking or talking about losing weight to her friends and family.

What I invite Kate to do next is to learn to let go of control in her relationship with food. The very aspect that keeps her tight and controlled is the same aspect that is keeping her playing small and “falsely safe”. Letting go of control of course brings up extreme amount of discomfort and fear. “If I let go of being so structured and controlling with food, how will I ever lose weight?!” This does not make sense to Kate because her fear makes her believe that letting go emotionally and mentally is equivalent of letting herself go physically.  In fact, this is not true.

Kate needs the “momentum” of learning to face her fear and work through it, which is where I come in to support and guide her with strategies so that she can pierce past the boundaries of her comfort zone (that is, how she was going into relationship with food).

After only working with Kate for a few sessions and having her understand the negative impact control had over her in mind, body and spirit, and learning tools to approach her relationship with food and her body in a more loving, gentle way, she started to lose the weight. Today, Kate has lost her goal weight and more importantly, speaks to herself kindly and feels at peace in her relationship with food. She is “soaring” and feeling free! Yay Kate!

If you’re inspired and resonate with Kate’s story, I’d love to support you as a Self-Love Transformational Coach!

Go ahead and book in a complimentary strategy session with me now to see how I can best help you achieve your goals! I’d absolutely love to!

Rosalyn Fung, M.Sc., is the Founder of Holistic Body Love. You can learn more about her on her website here.

How to Naturally Get a Good Night’s Sleep to Reduce Anxiety

Sleep is very important when it comes to health and productivity. However, not many people are able to enjoy a good night’s sleep and this could lead to serious cases of anxiety, stress and even mental breakdown. Research has shown that everyone needs to enjoy not only the right amount of time in sleep but also to do it qualitatively.

Unfortunately, many people today can’t easily fall asleep without taking sleep pills or drugs. The good news however is that each one of us can enjoy peaceful sleep naturally. This article will discuss some natural ways to help you get a good night’s sleep to help reduce anxiety.

Control the amount of light you are exposed to prior to bedtime

Exposure to light normally triggers the production of melatonin hormone which helps in the regulation of sleep-wake cycles. This hormone is normally secreted by the brain when it’s dark thus helping you to sleep.

When the light is bright, the brain produces less melatonin which makes you more alert. As such, maintaining dimmer lighting in your bedroom could naturally help you sleep peacefully and thus reduce anxiety. It will also be good to avoid watching television until bedtime as this could be disruptive to your sleep.

Try some yoga

Yoga has been found to be helpful when it comes to the calming of the mind and body. When the body is stressed due to the strenuous activities of the day, sleeping peacefully becomes an uphill task. However, by practicing yoga before bedtime, you will be able to relieve the mind and  thus helping you to sleep calmly. This is a natural thing and works effectively well.

Check what you eat especially at night

Your eating habits have a direct relation with how you sleep at night. Not only should you watch what you eat at night but also at daytime as this plays a major role in the way your body reacts or responds. You should avoid things such as nicotine and caffeine, avoid eating too much at night and if possible, eat a few hours before going to bed.

An early meal is encouraged and this should not contain acidic and spicy foods as these could cause heartburn and stomach trouble keeping you awake or giving you troubled sleep. Energy drinks should also be avoided at night as too much of the same will cause you to wake up thus disrupting your sleep cycle.

Create the right sleeping environment

The environment you sleep in will play an important role in determining whether your sleep will, be restful or troubled. In addition to lighting, you should try to eliminate unnecessary noise and keep your room cool.

Sleeping environments that are too cold or too hot could greatly interfere with your sleep thus denying you the opportunity to enjoy quality time. No matter how many hours you sleep, your body and mind will still not have rested if you spend most of this time tossing and turning in bed.

Sleep on a good bed

Everything else you do will fail if you do not have the right bed to sleep on. Your mattress should be comfortable and supportive. As such, it is good to have a mattress with the best firmness so as to support the spinal cord and the entire body. You may need to add a nice pillow and mattress topper as these will help improve the support on your head and body respectively. Additionally, your bedding should be made of breathable material and offer enough space for you to stretch comfortably as you sleep.

With these few tips, you can deal with cases of insomnia and get a good night’s sleep to reduce anxiety. We all need relaxed sleep if we are to enjoy good mental, emotional and physical health. Try these methods and enjoy great results.

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Molly Garner is a freelance writer at MemoryFoamMattressGuide.com . She also writes about herbal and mental health and shares amazing tips to maintain and rebuild good health. Molly’s mission is to help people get energized and achieve healthy lives so they can concentrate on the important things in life.

What’s It Like to Have Body Image Issues?

Body Dysmorphic Disorder

People who have Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) develop an obsession over some perceived or imaginary flaw in their physical appearance.

They mistakenly believe they are deformed and monstrous. This delusion can literally ruin their lives. Michael Jackson was a famous person who had it.  After therapy a person may know that they are not disfigured and monstrous. In fact, they can actually know that they are very pretty from all the compliments that they get. Even then, they may sometimes avoid mirrors, worry about lighting, and even fall back into the thought that, “Oh my god, they see it, they all see it, and they’re disgusted.”

How does it feel to have body image issues?

Tanya Brooks 16 – High School Student

“To me it feels like I’m missing out on my own life. Like I’m missing quite a lot of what my peers are enjoying to the full; right in front of me and all around. Wherever I go, I see their slender, beautiful and fit bodies in their perfect coordinated outfits, with casual smiles all over their young and delighted faces and awfully perfect skin.”

Bart van Kippered 21 – Gamer

“Even though I stay in due to the pressure I feel when facing the world and its people, Facebook is there to remind me how all these constructed lives are cheerful and unconcerned, while I’m the exact opposite.

To me, it means I don’t go hang out with friends, I don’t go to the beach in the summer, and I never meet new people except through internet. I’m trapped in my own body. I simply cannot make myself do such things and let myself be exposed to the surroundings.”

Fiona Wild 28 –Volunteer Fire Fighter

“I get depressed every time I glance at my reflection in a mirror or walk by a shop window and get a glint of my own image. I simply don’t want to glance down at my body by accident. I can’t bear to look at myself and accept how awful I feel about my appearance.

When I am in intimate with my husband, it is never without having my self-hatred pound on me the entire time; every single time. I don’t get joy out of activities other people tend to enjoy. I therefore avoid them because I simply can’t handle them. I feel mortified and want no one else to see what I’m seeing when I look in a mirror.”

Do intelligent people worry about body image?

Intelligent people keenly understand the impact that their physical presentation can have on their lives. From an early age, we all realize that people who look a certain way tend to get treated differently in certain situations. You don’t believe this to be a fact? Read Teachers Give Better Grades to More Attractive Students: Study.
As one gets older, it becomes more apparent that, say, a boy looks athletic and strong will be less likely to be bullied. A girl with nice skin, straight teeth and a slender body is more likely to be popular amongst her peers. A teen with piercings and tattoos may not be taken seriously by the coach of the debate team.

Anyone who thinks the surface is an illusion is wrong. It’s true that we should strive to pay less attention to surface presentation, but we also cannot ignore its effects.

I am no Einstein, but yes, I would consider myself an intelligent person. I do loathe what the world has become: a place where image is considered more important than humanity. I do however realize that if I presented myself without concern to the way I appeared to others, I might not have an easy time getting a job, a life partner, or have my grievances heard in court.

The danger is when you start obsessing about it. Forgetting who you are and relegating yourself to be just a body, when actually your body is just a vehicle that carries who you are.

How do I make my parents understand my body image issues?

The lack of support from parents is a complex issue. You should however consider involving your doctor too. He should be able to help you get through to them if you ask him to explain to them the impact and distress your condition is causing you.

It’s possible that you your body is perfectly OK. That doesn’t mean that you’re not unhappy about what you perceive about your body. If that’s the case, your doctor will certainly be able to help.

Sometimes the problem has practical aspects too. If you’re actually overweight for example, and you are still living with your parents, then you’re probably expected to eat whatever meals and snacks they provide, which may not be a healthy diet.  Your doctor can advise them about improving their diet or at least be more conscious to your health needs.

Where can I get help for body image issues?

One may read 5 Ways to Deal With Body Image Issues or  10 Steps to Positive Body Image to better understand where they need to be to start recovery. Although helpful, you cannot just read these articles and switch off your Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) button. Go talk to a therapist. If you are still living with your parents, talk to them and help them understand what you are going through.

Here is a helpful organization that deals with body image issues; take action to today!

USA – Association and Depression Association of America

Outside USA

http://treatment.adaa.org/finding-help/advanced-search/?ShowAdvanced=Y

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Physical Fitness & Mental Health Connection for the Best You

It is a known fact that daily exercise is good for the body, but the recently discovered connection between physical and mental health might prove that exercise can be good for the mind as well.

Research has shown that exercise can help combat against mental ailments such as anxiety, ADHD, and depression. Likewise, exercise can help you:

• sleep better,
• improve your memory retention, and
• improve your overall mood.

Although there is no set age to start becoming more physically active, it is best to engage in exercise and other physical activities as early as in your teens, according to medcarehealth.com.

After all, starting out early can help you grow and mature with a mind and a body that is ready for anything.

But, before I delve deep into the connection between mental and physical health, let’s start with a simple question:

What is health?

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), a person who is free from disease or disability is not immediately considered healthy. Instead, you must demonstrate physical, mental, and social well-being in order to be considered truly healthy.

Great, but how are those connected?

The Canadian Mental Health Association lists 3 concrete associations that demonstrate the connection between physical and mental well-being:

1. Poor mental health increases the risk for chronic physical conditions.
2. Patients suffering from serious mental ailments are at a greater risk of suffering from chronic physical conditions.
3. Finally, people suffering from chronic physical conditions might also develop mental illnesses in the future.

These associations show that there is indeed a connection between physical and mental health.

Though there might not be a proven way to prevent these chronic illnesses from developing, acknowledging the relationship between your mind and body can help you minimize potential risks.

What benefits can you reap from exercise?

The primary reason why you might choose to engage in more physical activities is to trim your waistline or to lose some pounds. However, exercise can provide you with so much more.

In a study that aimed to answer the question:” how does physical health affect mental health?”, researchers discovered that elderly adults who engage in regular exercise and are physically fit tend to possess much larger hippocampi than other people in their age group.

Wait, what is hippocampi?

The hippocampus is the part of the brain that is responsible for your spatial memory. Maintaining this part of your brain even in your older years gives you a great advantage.

Does mental health affect physical ability?

Meanwhile, in a study conducted by researchers at the Bangor University in Wales, it was discovered that people who engaged in mentally draining activities before performing difficult exercise tests reached exhaustion much faster than those who were mentally relaxed prior to performing the physical task.

This study shows that one of the benefits of nurturing your mental well-being can also affect your physical strength and endurance.

Can exercise combat depression?

According to Jane Collingwood, author of The Relationship between Physical and Mental Health, those individuals suffering from depression often have worse physical health than those who are mentally healthy.

Likewise, patients suffering from chronic physical diseases are also likely to suffer from depression.

Just a little exercise goes a long way

Exercise, even in moderation, can greatly improve both the mental well-being and physical health of those suffering from depression.

Physical activity can help encourage positive changes in your brain such as a surge of endorphin or “feel good hormones”.

Regular exercise can also help distract you from any destructive or negative thoughts and allow you to find your inner peace.

Exercise relieves anxiety

While you might think that the physical benefits that you reap from exercise are the things that make you feel good, its effect on your mind are probably the more likely reason for your happy feelings.

Exercises such as weight training can ease the suffering of people who are living with anxiety by elevating their mood and reducing their feelings of irritability.

Remember: Even moderate daily exercise can contribute to improved long-term mental health.

Reaping the benefits of exercise

photo by zirconicusso

As previously stated, you will not need to block off your entire day just to reap the mental and physical benefits of exercise. You will see a difference in 30 minutes per day, 5 days per week.

Additionally, while it might take months before you see any significant physical changes after exercise, the mental boost that it can provide is almost instantaneous (Weir, 2011).

For this reason, it would be more beneficial if you learn to focus on how good you actually feel after your workout than to simply look for the physical rewards.

This is particularly important for patients who are suffering from stress or mild cases of depression and anxiety since focusing too much on your physical appearance would only worsen your condition.

Don’t delay another day: simple exercises to get started

One of the easiest ways to sneak some physical activities into your busy schedule is by taking a quick walk to or from your office. Exercise can enable your brain to better manage your stress levels.

The Key Takeaway: Sweating it out even from a brisk walk can help relieve you of your physical pain as well as make you feel more at peace.

Another easy way to get an energy boost is by hopping on a treadmill, jumping on a rebounder trampoline, or lifting a few weights at home or at the gym.

Regardless of your age, weight, or gender, all you really need is the motivation and determination to keep moving.

Exercise and mental health – the undeniable bond

There is a significant amount of proof that supports the connection between physical and mental health. Physically fit individuals are better able to handle stressful situations and those who are mentally healthy are able to handle more difficult physical tasks.

Therefore, it is important to nurture both your physical and mental health in order to reap all possible benefits for your mind and your body.

Want more great health information?

Visit the Rebounder Zone blog to learn more about how you can improve your mental and physical health today.

 

Sources

Breene, S. (2013). 13 Unexpected Benefits of Exercise. Accessed on June 30, 2016. Retrieved from http://greatist.com/fitness/13-awesome-mental-health-benefits-exercise

Collingwood, J. (2016). The Relationship between Mental and Physical. Accessed on June 30, 2016. Retrieved from http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-relationship-between-mental-and-physical-health/

Canadian Mental Health Association. (2016). Connection between Mental and Physical Health. Accessed on June 30, 2016. Retrieved from http://ontario.cmha.ca/mental-health/connection-between-mental-and-physical-health/

Grohol, J.Psy.D (2009).The Connection between Mental & Physical Health. Accessed on June 30, 2016. Retrieved from http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/02/25/the-connection-between-mental-physical-health/

N.A. (2014). 5 Ways Physical Health Impacts Mental Health. Accessed on June 30, 2016. Retrieved from http://fitstar.com/5-ways-physical-health-impacts-mental-health/

N.A. (2016). Research Shows Connection between Mental Health and Physical Fitness. Accessed on June 30, 2016. Retrieved from http://www.medcarehealth.com/health-problems-prevention/research-shows-connection-between-mental-health-and-physical-fitness-2/

Robinson, L., Segal, J. Ph.D., & Smith, M. M.A. (2016). The Mental Health Benefits of Exercise:The Exercise Prescription for Depression, Anxiety, Stress, and More. Accessed on June 30, 2016. Retrieved from http://www.helpguide.org/articles/exercise-fitness/emotional-benefits-of-exercise.htm

Weir, K. (2011). The exercise effect. Vol 42, No. 11. P.48. Accessed on June 30, 2016. Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/monitor/2011/12/exercise.aspx

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Leonard Parker is a health blogger and owner of the eCommerce store, RebounderZone.com. Rebounder Zone offers rebounder trampolines, health equipment, and health information to mature adults.

Leonard is a graduate of Stanford University and has worked in a number of roles as a consultant and digital marketing specialist. Rebounder Zone was started because Leonard saw first hand how exercise and healthy living can change lives, and he wants to help others experience this fantastic feeling, too. For any inquiries, please contact Leonard at leonard(at)rebounderzone.com.

When was the Last Time You Connected with Someone?

I just recently took a 5-day personal development course put on by Creators Code, called “The Launch” on June 1st. It transformed me to another chapter in my journey called ‘life’. This was no ordinary personal development course. It is an experiential course that was 10-12 hours each day and we dived in deep! This course really inspired me to write this post.

 

I am Like You So Listen

I am here today blogging not as a psychologist but rather as just me- Rosalyn. I am not wearing my therapist hat, the wife, mom, sister, or daughter hat, I am here just like you, a regular human being. I see myself first as a human and my other roles as secondary. And what I learned from this personal development course is that sometimes who I am as a therapist hijacks my ability to be human. Although I show up authentically real with my clients: supporting, loving, direct (I call bullshit when I see it), I also have parts of me that I don’t show, because it isn’t appropriate or professional.  No one wants to see their therapist have a meltdown, right?

So my point is that sometimes I fear that people will be shocked when I express the range of human experiences in my personal life because “I’m a therapist and I should know better”. But guess what?  I sometimes get angry and scream at my kids. Sometimes I play small because I don’t want to seem like I am bragging or being too much. Other times I have moments of self-consciousness about my body, sometimes I am guarded, sometimes I zone out on Facebook because I don’t want to deal with life. These all sound like familiar behaviors to some of you, right? Yeah, we all have tactics for showing up in the world as a way to emotionally protect ourselves.

Who You and I Really Are

My work is to help people come back into their wholeness and essence of who they were when they were born – which is pure love, light, and joy. I sometimes forget to do this for myself because I am so passionate about helping others. I forget about me, but during this course, I was able to reconnect with that little girl in me that remembers playfulness, silliness, coloring outside the lines, and being unapologetically me.

Can you imagine a world where we could all get back to being in our true essence? When we didn’t have to please anyone, play small so we don’t have to hurt others’ feelings, or toughen up because we don’t feel safe, disconnect from our heart because someone hurt it too many times. Imagine if we could speak the truth to one another without worrying about offending anyone. What about receiving feedback from others without feeling judged or offended?

I have this dream and I truly believe I’m on the path to contributing to it both professionally and personally. My dream and passion are to become a conscious loving human being and help others do the same. This entails being so aware not only of ourselves but also of those around us. Being conscious and collective where we love our neighbors and strangers. Showing up with kindness and compassion to ourselves and one another. Can you imagine the ripple effects this would create out in the world if people started to raise their level of self-love and loving presence to one another? There would eventually be less war, less violence, less bullying, less judgment, less shame, less abuse, less racism, less oppression, and less hate. Instead, there would be more peace, love, environmental awareness, and happiness, within ourselves and with those around us. There would be a sense of community.

So my whole point of this is to share with you how precious you are and to reflect on who you are when you aren’t wearing your different masks. This dream starts by learning to love yourself.

We were all once a young child, precious, perfect, and sweet. Who wouldn’t want to go back to before all the rules and experiences came along; before people started  telling us how to behave or not to behave. When you get blamed, usually someone else allows themselves to judge what you did as bad and put that on you. Then we form a story that we are bad because we are told so. So go back to remembering who you are before all that happened. Most of us won’t be able to, but most of us can probably think of a little newborn baby and immediately we melt, we ooooh and ahhhhh, and we think this baby is perfect. Well, that baby still is the essence of you.

An Experiment for You to Try

I have an experiment for you to try to create a powerful and heartwarming experience:

The next time you are with a loved one, it could be your partner, a dear friend, sibling, your child (best if the child is 6 or older), or parent. Tell them that you’d like to try connecting with them in a way that you may not have done in a long time, and it involves touch and silence and a lot of heart.

I invite you to face that person, and hold each other’s hands; just look at each other in the eyes, keep eye contact, and just see if you can really see them. I realize it may feel awkward at first., so let the awkward feelings come up. Breathe; let the awkwardness pass and breathe some more. See if you can even match the rhythm of your breath together as you continue to look into each other’s eyes. Keep breathing so that your breath connects with your heart and then your belly as you continue to hold your gaze with each other.

Many people believe that our eyes are the windows to our soul.

So notice that this person that’s in front of you once was a child, precious, perfect, and sweet. Also, notice that this part of them still lives in them. Then notice your own experience in your body as you become aware of the other person’s preciousness as well as your own. In that very moment, appreciate this about the other person and in yourself. In that moment you do not have to please, play small, wall up, avoid, zone out, get defensive, or whatever you do to protect yourself from the world. You are just you being here having this experience; you are connected in your essence.

From Setback to Comeback: Here’s How to Do It!

Why Setbacks Hurt

1. The ideal didn’t materialize

When we embark on a new undertaking, we visualize the ideal outcome. These expectations often turn out to be misplaced. People we deal with are unpredictable, or we may not be as disciplined as we thought we were when we started. This disillusionment can be really discouraging. In one way or the other, every time you have a setback you say this to yourself: “My life isn’t what I’d hoped it would be, and that sucks!”

2. Self-doubt creeps in

Even the most confident of people experience self-doubt after a setback. We are not machines, we wonder if the path we are following is worth all the effort. You wonder if life would be easier if you just quit.

3. Helplessness becomes you

The worst part of any setback is the helplessness you feel. You want to have things under control. Having everything fit nice and tidy in your life gives you confidence. Having setbacks takes that away from you.

4. Self-pity is crushing you

Right now, when you are disappointed, self-pity is your worst enemy. The weird thing about self-pity is that it is masochist in nature. You are actually, proactively, engaging in something that make you feel bad.

In other words, don’t expect to always be great. Disappointments, failures and setbacks are a normal part of the lifecycle of a unit or a company and what the leader has to do is constantly be up and say ‘we have a problem, let’s go and get it’.  – Colin Powell

Here’s How to Come Back Stronger from Setbacks

1. Avoid ‘the shock’ by staying ahead of the game

Gilbert Brim once said: “sometimes we don’t know we are losing until the very end.” I love the Dutch culture where they tell it to you as it is, straightforward, no beating around the bush. Having lived in three different continents, I can confidently say that not many cultures share this characteristic. That is why there is a reluctance to deliver bad news.

I admire the courageous person who comes up to me and tells me frankly that my ship is about to sink. If you do not have that kind of people around you (and even if you do), try evaluating the situation yourself. If all of a sudden you are not being invited to the meeting, your partner is hiding information from you, or your best friend is avoiding you; you need to know – as Donald Trump put it- “what the hell is going on!”. In doing so, you can stay ahead of the situation that is about to explode in your face and avoid the shock. It’s the punches that we don’t see coming that knock us out!

2. Don’t be too hard on yourself

You have probably seen the image below before. Take a minute and really have a look at it again. Forget everything else. You have everything it takes to do what these people did: mount an insane comeback. The best part is that you already know that.

3. Don’t blame, just learn

Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even though sometimes it is hard to realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and grieves which we endure help us in our marching onward.  – Henry Ford

Take responsibility for your part of the failure but do not go overboard by blaming yourself. Life is unfair, perhaps someone treated you unfairly. Get over it so that it does not consume you. If you stay positive, you do not lose in life; you just learn and get stronger.

(a)  Be open to feed back

There is nothing more powerful in your step forward towards learning and recovering than good feedback.  Getting feedback from people directly involved in the situation will help you asses and analyse what went wrong and how to avoid the same in the future.

(b)  Learn about your alternatives

Many a time we condition ourselves into believing that our set of skills and experience confine us to do certain jobs and that’s it. We fail to see the enormous opportunities that are out there that may have nothing to do with the way we define ourselves. If you find something you love, you should go for it. At times of crises when you have nothing to lose, having a go is so uplifting.

(c)   Learn new skills

Become better than yesterday when the setback happened. Learning a new skill not only enhances who you are, but it also builds your confidence back by giving you a sense of achievement.

The skills you acquire can always be effectively redeployed. You will look back on setbacks and be grateful for the catalyst that came not a moment too soon. – Tom Freston

4. Don’t be in a rush to bounce back

One of the greatest misconceptions today is that strong people bounce back from setbacks instantaneously. Now it’s true that you should not dwell over spilt milk but it does not mean you should rush things. There is a difference between a quick recovery and a hurried recovery process. Enjoy the many blessings in life while you plan your next move. Trust me, you are better off than jumping straight back into a vicious circle.

5. Redefine what makes you happy

If you really sit down and count how many wonderful things are in your life, you realize that you do not actually need to get everything you set out for. I am by no means saying that you should not be disappointed when you don’t succeed in your endeavour. Of course you should. You put your blood, sweat, and tears into it. But remember, happiness has nothing to do with winning or losing. Look around you and be thankful of what you have already. This will make you even stronger on your way back to recovery. Find gratitude in the present moment because as someone once said “life is what‘s happening to you while you are busy making other plans”.

Final Note

We all hit that bump in the road sometimes. Hell, sometimes the setback feels more like a brick wall. Make your recovery a fantastic journey by following the advice mentioned in this article. Do not spin out of control; do not despair! Grab a hold of that wheel and steer yourself straight!

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Source:

Brainy Quote Setbacks

Coming Back From a Setback

Developing Resilience: How to Bounce Back From Setbacks

5 Tips to Overcome a Major Setback

7 Ways to Bounce Back from Life’s Inevitable Setbacks

How to Deal with Setbacks

How to Look Good When Feeling Awful

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